Posts tagged ‘sex’

April 10, 2011

Never work with children, animals or Cher

“I’ve been 40 and I’ve been 50. 40 is better.”

You don’t seem any smarter than the last time that I saw you.”

What I love about Cher is that she’s part of a rare breed of celebrity who is authentic; she tells it like it is and always has.  Whether she’s discussing fame and wealth, love and sex, body image and aging, mental health or politics one thing is perfectly clear: Cher shoots from the hip. She is thankfully unaffected by a chromosomal abnormality I like to call “Up Syndrome.”

Watch this 2008 interview, especially between minute 5 and 6. Think very carefully when you think to yourself that she’s wrong. She’s not!

I have often quoted from this piece which I saw when it originally aired.  I found it today on YouTube. I bet you start quoting some of what you hear too.

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February 8, 2011

My Funny Valentine

Rodgers and Hart wrote “My Funny Valentine”  in 1937 for the musical “Babes in Arms.” The song’s essential message can be described as: your  flaws are endearing, so please don’t change.
To see how sentiments and expression of love and attraction have changed ( or not)  in the last 75 years, I thought I’d mash up some of 2011’s top pop singles and some current research with the classic lyrics and see what emerges.

My funny Valentine
Sweet comic Valentine
You make me smile with my heart

The back story is upfront on Ricky Martin’s “Música + Alma + Sexo” (“Music + Soul + Sex”), his first studio album since 2005 and his first since he announced last year on his Web site that he is “proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man.” On this album his usual exhortations to seize life’s pleasures mingle with coming-out manifestos, and he smiles through them all. (New York Times)

Your looks are laughable, unphotographable
Yet you’re my favorite work of art

Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than f*ckin’ perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re nothing
You’re f*ckin’ perfect to me! (Pink)

Is your figure less than Greek?
Here’s the situation
Been to every nation
Nobody’s ever made me feel the way that you do
You know my motivation
Given my reputation
Please excuse me I don’t mean to be rude

But tonight I’m f*cking you
Oh you know
That tonight I’m f*cking you
Oh you know
That tonight I’m f*cking you (Enrique Iglesias)

Is your mouth a little weak?

Cause I may be bad, but I’m perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don’t care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me (Rihanna)

When you open it to speak, are you smart?
The video clip for the album’s first single in English, a lilting duet with Joss Stone called “The Best Thing About Me Is You,” shows Mr. Martin pulling a gag off his mouth, then juxtaposes him with gay and straight couples with equal signs painted on their chests. (New York Times)

But don’t change a hair for me
A long-term study of 3,500 people between the ages of 30 and 101 found that regular sex may shave between four and seven years off your physical appearance. Researchers at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland presented photos of the subjects to an impartial panel of judges, who were asked to guess their ages. The people who were judged to be the youngest were also those who had the most sex. What’s the connection between youthfulness and getting it on? In addition to boosting self-esteem and confidence, sex increases the production of human growth hormone, which is known to improve muscle tone.

Not if you care for me
A recent study published in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology found that erectile dysfunction (ED) is often an early indicator of poor cardiovascular health. Researchers followed more than 2,300 men for an average of four years and found that men with ED had a 58 percent greater risk of coronary heart disease. Another study showed that men who reported having three or more orgasms per week experienced 50 percent fewer heart attacks and strokes as compared with those who had less frequent orgasms. Sex may help the heart because orgasm triggers the release of the hormone DHEA, which helps with circulation and arterial dilation.
Stay little Valentine, stay
Each day is Valentine’s Day
For reasons that are still unclear, regular sex may even add years to your life. A study published in the British Medical Journal found that men who had sex less than once per month were twice as likely to die in the next 10 years than those who had sex once per week. And guys aren’t the only ones to benefit: Researchers at Duke University found that women who claimed to enjoy their sex lives lived seven to eight years longer than women who were indifferent to sex.
Is your mouth a little weak.
The secret to good sex after marriage: low costs, high transparency. Who said economics was dismal?
When you open it to speak, are you smart?
When sex is dirt cheap, we’re much more likely to go at it like rabbits. Couple O has been together for 15 years and has a great sex life. They keep it affordable. If they’re tired, they make it quick. Maybe they don’t even bother to take their shirts off. When one of them is in the mood, they say so.

But don’t change a hair for me

Which brings us to a second principle of economics that applies to the bedroom: transparency. Transparency is what keeps the wheels of the free market—and, coincidentally, your sex life—greased. Couple O doesn’t make each other guess, because guessing takes time, and is often stressful (“Should I or shouldn’t I? If she’s not up for it, I’m going to be bummed and wonder if it’s because she’s not attracted to me. What if she’s not attracted to me? Oh Jesus. Forget it”). Bottom line: Guessing is costly.

Not if you care for me
Stay little Valentine, stay

Now for your third and final economics lesson: the theory of rational addiction.

The gist of rational addiction is that we get addicted to things—alcohol, gambling, porn, crystal meth, cigarettes, loser boyfriends—by doing them over and over again, and we stay addicted to them because we feel the benefits outweigh the costs. So a heroin addict knows heroin is habit-forming and deadly, but has decided he’d still rather be high and addicted than not high and not addicted. For him, being an addict is a “rational” decision in the sense that he has considered the long- and short-term costs and benefits. According to the theory, the same applies to what might be considered “good” addictions, like working hard, or listening to music, or eating healthy food, or loving one person every day, for the rest of your life. Or having sex.

Each day is Valentine’s Day

Lady Gaga announces that her first fragrance will smell “of blood and semen.”


February 4, 2010

What could happen if gays were allowed to serve openly in the miltary

John Phillips could be heard from beyond the grave: “Dude, you’re completely crossing the line.” Middle schoolers  could collectively be heard muttering to themselves: “Dude, that’s so gay.”

The dude to whom they could justifiably be referring  is Senator Saxby Chambliss of Georgia who, despite the recommendation of the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff  Admiral Mike Mullen that the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy should be eliminated, opposes allowing gays to serve openly in the military.  Senator Chamblis  thinks that eliminating the military’s  restriction on homosexuality as a condition of service in the 21st century could put us but steps away from a brave new world of  “alcohol use, adultery, fraternization and body art.”

Really? This from a member of the party of Bush who spent 8 years with a guy named Dick on his ass.  Sure, you might expect a more sophisticated world view from a guy in the US Senate than from the guys on ” Jersey Shore” but the situation reveals that Saxby may know more about Snooky than he knows about nookie.

Not that the Senator needs my help, but here’s a more comprehensive but still incomplete list of social undoings that could result from repealing don’t ask, don’t tell:

Your Toyota could suddenly accelerate for no reason

A black man could become president

Taylor Swift could win a Grammy

John McCain could marry an heiress to an alcohol distribution fortune

John Edwards could make a sex tape of himself making love to his pregnant mistress before he repeatedly denies to his terminally ill cancer stricken wife that he was the father of the baby

Men who have posed naked as a centerfold for Cosmopolitan magazine could be elected to the US Senate

Sandra Bullock could win an acting award

Sarah Palin may become John McCain’s running mate after being found on You Tube and vetted on Google, all in the span of two weeks

Women who look like they didn’t make the cut to be onstage as The Pussycat Dolls  could find themselves in consort with Tiger Woods

John Edwards could take the word of a woman, who is unproblematically willing to have sex with a married millionaire, that he doesn’t have to use a condom because she’s incapable of getting pregnant

John Mayer could complain that he is not getting enough sex and extol the theraputic powers of masturbation while posing on various magazine covers showcasing his tattoos

Timothy Geithner , Larry Summers and Ben Bernake could actually be in bed with the financial institutions they are supposed to be regulating

Rihanna could suffer a brutal beating from Chris Brown, leave him, go back to him, leave him for good because she wants to be a role model for young girls, pose naked for the cover of GQ, get a few more tattoos  and then release the  single  “So Hard,” the video for which looks like a trailer to  Chi Chi La Rue high concept porn

The Northern Ireland brokered peace agreement, decades in the making, could be at peril because the 61 year old wife of of one of the political leaders may have a torrid seven month affair with a dead family friend’s 19 year old son and then fail to report that she and her husband funneled about $80,000 to the young man to open a coffee shop/internet cafe

ABC financial news correspondent Bianna Golodryga could become at least the third woman with poor judgment to jump into the bed of  Peter Orszag, the Director of the Office of Management and Budget, who is being sued by his first wife for non payment of the divorce settlement as he simultaneously becomes engaged to Ms Golodryga before the pregnant ex girlfriend he promised to marry gives birth to his fourth child

Sarah Palin’s new  curly updo hairstyle could resemble that of Jethrine on “The Beverly Hillbilies”

Your Toyota could make other Toyota owners  very uncomfortable especially if you’re in such close proximity that they can see yours coming up the rear

US Senators who pretend to shower the masses with the naked truth could be more careful about bending over to pick up the soapbox they want to stand on

TomKolovos.com

October 8, 2009

Penis and Serena

It’s a new game and we’re playing with new balls people.

After a year of poking around the the personal lives of  John Ensign, John Edwards, Jon “plus eight” Gosselin and the other johns, Mark Sanford, Eliot Spitzer and David Letterman, it’s almost impossible to believe that straight married guys have any willpower to keep it in their pants.

Levi Johnson, Sarah Palin’s once potential future ex son in law, is refreshingly making no bones about it and, with  a “you can put lipstick on a pig but it’s still a pig” humility, he officially announced today what was long rumored: he will pose naked for Playgirl.

[picapp src=”f/9/d/7/Teen_Choice_Awards_af0f.jpg?adImageId=4880551&imageId=5954541″ width=”380″ height=”572″ /]


The announcement comes just as Serena Williams, the woman who declared at the 2009 US Open “there’s no dynasty without nasty,” is to appear nude on the cover of the “body issue” of  ESPN magazine.

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The aptly named Mr Johnson, you’ll remember, rose to prominence as the lesson-learned-the-hard- way  comeuppence to  hockey moms who simultaneously believe in immaculate conception and teaching your children that abstinence is a foolproof method of birth control.

He’s already posed shirtless whilst diapering his baby for GQmagazine. He’s escorted Kathy Griffin to an awards show, thus positioning himself, so to speak, to the gay marketplace.  So what’s  the big deal about extending his 15 minutes of fame and palling around with his “nothing comes between us and our Levi” fanbase, especially when the cold hard truth is he was “going rogue” way before all those posers hit the scene?

At least he’s got enough of a good head on his shoulders to acknowledge that, in his own still evolving first act of Going Rogue, no one will be reading the articles.

Sure, he’s hired a trainer and is spending 3 hours a day in the gym to prepare his body for public scrutiny, but that pales in comparison to Sarah Palin’s tough call to hire the co-author of a white supremacist’s book to ghostwrite her own book. What’s more salacious, posing nude or naked ambition?

Advantage Mr Johnson.

TheBestDressedList.com