*Style tips from the Oscars (or don’t try this at home)

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Take home the Oscar and the table centerpiece.

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Don’t stand next to a man who dresses better than you do.

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If Tonya Harding taught me one thing, it’s always protect your blind side.

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I told you, the trick to winning for best director is to wear something ugly.

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Bring your husband. Check. Put most of your breasts today in the dress. Check. Leave most of the bottom of your dress in the limo door. Check.

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If you look good in a burlap sack, try bubble wrap next!

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This business is such a roller coaster.

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Wear your own cheap jewelry. It’s good for business and always a good way to spruce up your wardrobe.

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Go green. Use Garnier Nutrisse on Beyonce’s old weave and twist it into a giant multi grain pretzel before you attach it to the back of your head.

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A good haircut is very important.

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That and a nice tie.


6 Responses to “*Style tips from the Oscars (or don’t try this at home)”

  1. “…on Beyonce’s old weave!” LOLOLOLOL!!

  2. Sarah Jessica Parker’s pretzel looks like something Mel Gibson would fire in Lethal Weapon… What WAS she thinking??


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