Archive for March, 2010

March 28, 2010

Cialis in Wonderland

I had plenty of time to contemplate the change because the doctor was running an hour behind schedule.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that the  walls of the waiting room were no longer painted an antisceptic grey. They were now a calming warm sandy neutral.

It may be the case that it  seemed like an aesthetic improvement to my eye, simply because  I was there out of concern for my blood pressure, about which, to jump ahead, I had good reason to be concerned.

The walls of the examination room into which the nurse escorted me were also newly painted.  Oh, and look, the wallpaper border, finally, had been  mercifully removed. The changes were calming and welcome, no doubt about it. I was feeling a wee bit better already, despite the wait.

That feeling didn’t last long.

After the nurse made some small talk, took my vitals and left me to wait some more, it was hard not to miss the other change in my doctor’s office since my long overdue visit. The paper that covers the examination table was now covered with the Cialis logo.

“Cialis,” yes, the magic little orange pill that, as the extensive pamphlet on the desk next to the chair in which I was sitting put it, “is indicated for the treatment of erectile dysfunction.”

One pill, “36 hour Cialis is the only ED tablet that’s clinically proven to both work fast, in as little as 30 minutes for some men, and work up to 36 hours.”

The other pill, “Cialis for daily use is clinically, proven low-dose tablet for ED you take every day so you can be ready anytime the moment is right.”

No pressure, guy trapped in examining room alone with reading material. And try not to think of your high blood pressure which, you soon will be told,  is most likely caused by your stressful family life– which in turn might leave little time or desire to “anticipate sexual activity.”

I’m almost sure there was no music being piped overhead but I’m quite sure I had   the urge to sing along with ” target=”_self”>Toby Keith:
I ain’t as good as I once was
I got a few years on me now
But there was a time, back in my prime
When I could really lay it down
And if you need some love tonight
Then I might have just enough
I ain’t as good as I once was
But I’m as good once as I ever was

My doctor’s office, I thought, would be a reasonable place to expect that nothing, let alone my masculinity, would be marketed to me. But there it was staring me in the face: Madison Avenue and Wall Street  pre-emptively looking out for the little big man’s exile on Main Street.

I certainly didn’t need a visit to the doctor’s office to be reminded that advertisers,  have uncovered the sudden dereliction of  American masculinity and have quite benevolently made it their mission to help restore it.

It’s their gift–with purchase, of course–to me and to men anywhere near a television, computer or magazine.

Apparently, the ladies think I  stink at being a man. “Smell like a man, man,” warns Old Spice. “Anything is possible when your man smells like a man and not like a lady.”

Old Spice advertisement
– Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

And I don’t even know what it takes to be  a man, anyway. “Wash like a man, feel like man,” promises Gillette with it’s “Odor Shield” shower gel.

I don’t dress like one. “Wear the pants,” insists Dockers.

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I kowtow for money and romance. I don’t stand up for myself. No matter, though. I am what I drive. Dodge Charger is “Man’s last stand.”

And if all else fails, Calvin Klein X underwear assures me I can prove to you that I’m a man. Wanna see?

Mark your spot and  dummy up.

“Smart may have the brains, but stupid has the balls. Be stupid,” advises the current Diesel campaign ad.

Who knew I was too smart for my own good? That’s probably why my blood pressure is high.

This downward economy  has disproportionately affected male workers. We now have  an educational system where girls  get the best grades and most of the college degrees. And we live in a culture where it’s not unusual that dad may likely stay home with the kids while mom is the primary breadwinner.

Madison Avenue is betting that my masculinity is vulnerably bluefaced and fair game for the bottom line. “I see you,” it tells me not so naively.  Hop aboard  sexism and homophobia. This is a whole new world.

Which brings me back to Cialis and to the pamphlet which, as you might imagine, now has me by the balls.

“In the rare event of an erection lasting more than 4 hours, seek immediate medical attention to avoid long-term injury.” Well, I probably wont be able to afford to see the doctor again, what with all the new purchases I have to make to be a real man.

I’ll just think of Liz Cheney. That should take care of the problem immediately.

“The most common side effects with Cialis were headaches and upset stomach.” Good to know that.  Suppose I ignored the warning  to “not drink alcohol in excess” and suddenly found myself on top of Glenn Beck.

Good to know that the cause of head spinning nausea might not be entirely his fault.

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March 27, 2010

Tough Chic

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March 26, 2010

Sarah Palin’s Plan of Execution

“Commonsense Conservatives & lovers of America: ‘Don’t Retreat, Instead –RELOAD!’” Sarah Palin on Twitter


“This map gives me a serious boner! As do you, Sarah. I love you!” Oz Carver, commentator on Sarah Palin’s Facebook
Sarah, when does your new parenting picture book “Mommy Says Play With Fire and Run With Scissors?” come out? TomKolovos.com


March 24, 2010

Don a Henley

A henley shirt is a collarless men’s casual wear pullover shirt with a  placket beneath the round neckline, usually having 2-5 buttons. It essentially resembles a collarless long sleeve polo shirt.

It can be made in almost any fabric, although , cotton, linen and thermals are by far the most popular.

It is called a henley  because this particular style of shirt was the traditional uniform of rowers in the English town of Henley-on-Thames.

Balmain Spring 2010. Image from Balmain.com

Michael Bastian Spring 2010. Image from GQ.com

Bottega Veneta 2010. Image from GQ.com

John Varvatos Spring 2010. Image from GQ.com

TheBestDressedList.com

March 23, 2010

Pretty in Pink

So far this season, pretty dresses have been few and far between. This is one of the prettiest dresses you’ll see anywhere, at any price. A flirty dress in printed silk stretch with  asymmetrical V-neckline with ruffles at shoulder seams and  gathered at left side seam with ruffle detail. Slit at side hem. Silk Poetic Print Dress, $168 and, yes, it’s from AnnTaylor.com

TheBestDressedList.com

March 22, 2010

The Chic of Araby

This  sandal boot is one of the chicest women’s shoes of the summer. Available exclusively at Lorishoes.com, $148

Soft canvas wraps the leg from the sole to mid-calf with rugged-edged seams adding a stylish urban feel. Smooth Italian leather trims the top and belts the ankle, with matching trim around the open heel. A leather and canvas strap crosses over the toes to complete the look, with leather lining and sole for comfort.

Add black leggings or skinny jeans and you’re ready for an adventure.

March 21, 2010

Grey Matter

Guys, if you’ re going to part ways with cold hard cash to update you spring wardrobe, you just have to remember that grey is the new black.

Zegna

Fall 2010

March 2010

Dolce and Gabanna suit and tie on Kobe Bryant. GQ.com

Above, John Varvatos  Star USA trench available at Bloomingdale’s, $595

Left, Banana Republic slim fit utility shirt, $125. Right, Gap selvage hem skinny fit jeans, $88

TheBestDressedList.com

March 18, 2010

Read This, Not That

“How Oscars Ruin a Marriage”

Before the details of Sandra Bullock’s cheating husband get more salacious, you might want to read Nicole La Porte’s thoughtful piece from The Daily Beast.

“Texts Without Context”

And if you’ve ever wondered how all the new media and information technology is altering the cultural and political landscape– and even your own sense of self, as you read this–definitely check out Michiko Kakutani’s excellent piece  from The New York Times.

March 14, 2010

Oscar Fashion Rewind

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Tom Kolovos Reviews the best and wors…“, posted with vodpod


Just in case you missed my Oscar fashion review on NBC5  (or as I like to call it “Monday morning fashion quarterback”) here’s your chance to catch up.

You might want to start the clip at about 1 minute in but make sure you watch to the very end. Keep in mind I had to follow a story about a pregnant woman who tweeted during her entire 19 hours of labor, including her epidural.

I’ve  rounded up all 3 separate blog posts for you below.

The best dressed women

The best dressed men

The rest

March 10, 2010

*Heidi Montag, Financial Advisor.

Yesterday, on ABC’s “Good Morning America,” Melanie Hobson gave parents the preposterous advice to give their children a credit card at age 16, under the guise that they could use the 2 years before they turn 18 and leave home to teach them responsible charging habits.

Funny thing Melanie, you mean  your advice has nothing to do with the new laws that will restrict marketing credit cards to teens and college students and therefore cut into the outrageous profits of banks that prey on young adults? One solution to your industy’s problems? Lower the qualification age of the victims! Thanks for the completely objective advice, Melanie.  Financial pedophelia is really a great idea! No, I mean, really, thank you sooo much.

While we’re at it, let’s lower the drinking age to 14, the age of consent to 12. Parents could use the extra time there, too, don’t you think?

Melanie Hobson is only but one industry hack who masquerades as a consumer advocate on televison. Remember how Barbara Corcoran, the real estate maven on “The Today Show,” was urging people to buy real estate at the height of the bubble? And let’s not get started on Jim Cramer.

So when the credentialed “experts” are part of the problem, it’s not so much of a stretch to turn to Heidi Montag for financial advice.

It may actually be the wise thing to do.

At least she’s got a brain in her surgically altered head, at least in this extremely funny Ron Howard directed clip for FunnyOrDie. com.

TomKolovos.com