The sermon at my church yesterday was “Be for something and against nothing.” Sounds good, right?

Of course it does. But I wonder if the minister, who was dressed in what I call “the social working nun uniform,” had taken a gander at how two women in the congregation came dressed to beat the heat and, um, worship?

One of the women, single and accompanied by a gay man, was wearing a floral dress so low cut and ill fitting that the vast majority of her (braless) breasts were exposed. While she was mingling before the service began, she was obsessively and compulsively tugging at the top of the dress while effervescently telling someone how much she loved to shop.

The other woman, very pregnant and accompanied by what appeared to be her baby daddy, was wearing a tank top and skirt which left not only her belly exposed but her entire self overexposed when she scratched herself (I think) and tugged her skirt even farther down only to reveal more of her Brazilian wax than anyone but her baby daddy had any right to see.

So, keeping within the spirit of the sermon, let me offer the following advice.

While we are all for a little cleavage (who could possibly be against it?) if you wear a dress in public, anywhere in public and no matter the temperature, please keep in mind that the vast majority of your breasts go inside the dress. Pulling and tugging at your dress around your bust is the fashion equivalent of picking your nose in public. (If the dress don’t fit, you must acquit!)

And while we are all for soon-to-be-moms feeling comfortable and sexy….okay, let me just stop here.

What in the world is this obsession with flaunting your sexuality while you’re pregnant?

Look, somebody thought you were sexy enough to knock you up in the first place so we get it. You’re hot. Now give it a rest.

Eat something, have a healthy baby and then do some pilates. End of story.

Just in case you’re pregnant and need some ideas on how to dress appropriately to beat the heat, I’m going to re-post a segment I did last summer for the weekend morning news. I’m all for you watching it!

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